


Everlasting Mistake

by ferusolan



Category: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Awkward Romance, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 17:42:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30042381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferusolan/pseuds/ferusolan
Summary: While everyone has relatively settled into their new lives in the New World, Lightning finds herself in the unique position as a roommate. However, a misfortunately placed item produces a New World problem for the Soldier.
Relationships: Hope Estheim/Lightning, Oerba Dia Vanille/Oerba Yun Fang, Serah Farron/Snow Villiers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Hey, kid. How's it going?" Snow asked as he took a seat next to the silver-haired boy.

Hope strained his ears to hear his friend. NORA house was livelier than ever. All of New Bodhum was, in fact. The new world was treating everyone well, more so than Hope had ever experienced before. It was a welcome experience for someone who had endured as much hardship as he had.

"It's going well, I think", Hope replied, " How are you and the wife doing?"

The two of them settled into their seats at the bar while Lebreau approached them, towel in one hand and a fresh glass in the other. "The usual, boss?" She asked as she tapped the surface of the bar counter with her index finger.

Snow smiled and nodded at the barkeep before redirecting his attention to Hope. "We are doing okay. Serah's every other word is about baby-this-and-baby-that, but now that you are moving up in the world, we have something else to be excited about."

The tension in Hope's shoulders eased as his friend wrapped his arm around the back of his neck. "I appreciate the sentiment, Snow, but it's just college. It's hardly as exciting as starting a family."

"Nonsense!" Snow nearly bellowed as he pulled Hope into his shoulder, "New Bodhum University is well worth it, especially for a bright kid like you. Besides, if Serah and I have a kid, we aren't 'starting' anything. I have plenty of family already."

Hope smiled sheepishly as his lips searched for a reply, "It's nothing really. I am not sure of what I want to study anyhow. I figured I can take the general education courses I need for graduation this semester and then figure it out as I go."

"You're making us all proud," Lebreau butted in as she set a drink down in front of Snow, "You're the first of all of us to go to college anyway. Better than wasting away at NORA house like your idiot friend here."

"I am doing just fine," Snow chided as he snatched his drink away from Lebreau, "Maybe you should spend more time dealing with your 'Yuj' situation."

"There is no 'situation' between Yuj and I," Lebreau snapped back, "He and I are coworkers and friends. Why does everyone think something like that is going on?" Lebreau had lamented for weeks now with Serah inadvertently witnessing Lebreau and Yuj leaving the movie theatre together. "All we did is see a movie, as friends."

Snow took a deliberated sip from his drink before setting it down cautiously on the counter, a smirk beginning to creep in across his face. "You know, Hope and I are friends too, but we don't go see romantic comedies together."

Lebreau did her best to try to quell her near panic, her words leaving her lips as quietly as she could muster. "It was a drama. Definitely not a romantic comedy." Before either of the boys had a chance to respond, she wiped the counter top with her towel and stormed away out of sight.

"Hey Snow, I know you and Lebreau tease each other, but Yuj is definitely more sensitive than the two of you. Especially considering, you know… how he feels about her, maybe..." Hope's chosen words reflected how long he had waited for a chance to speak.

Snow sighed as he knocked back the rest of his drink. "Yeah, I suppose you are right about that. Speaking of sensitivity, how did your parents take the news?"

"My dad took the news pretty well. Me wanting to live closer to the university made a lot of sense to him. My mom was kind of emotional though," Hope replied.

Snow chuckled as he stared into his glass, "I bet she shed a tear for you. You're a really good kid. There's every reason under the sun for her to miss you already. At least you're going to stay with someone she trusts. When do you make the move?"

"You're right about that," Hope replied, "If I was going to stay with anyone other than Light, my mom probably wouldn't have taken it as well as she did. I actually moved in earlier today. She gave me a spare key a couple of days ago. She wasn't at the apartment when I arrived, so I figured I would come here and kill some time until she gets back from work."

"How are you feeling about all of that? The two of you living together and all."

Hope paused as he tried to process Snow's question. "Um… I am kind of nervous to be honest."

Snow's eyes widened, the transient sensation of surprise settling in. "Oh? Why is that? Apart from Serah, or even including Serah, (though don't tell her I said so), aren't you the person closest to Light? No one has been through more together with her. Living together should be a breeze."

Hope's reply came cautiously, almost as though he tried to rehearse his answer in his mind like this was his chance to try on his feelings before having to commit to them when he returned home. "You know how things go with her. She's… I don't know. I just don't want to do anything to upset her. I still can't believe she is letting me stay with her while I go to school. I just don't want to ruin the relationship we have by doing anything, saying something… I don't know."

"Does it have something to do with the two of you living alone together? You are both adults after all," Snow replied.

"I am just eighteen. Light is twenty-seven, almost twenty-eight. Plus, you know her pretty well. I doubt she sees me as anything more than a kid. I am just grateful to be her friend."

Snow scratched his chin as his gaze drifted up towards the ceiling. "Hm… Is that enough for you? How do you feel about it?"

Hope smiled as he finished off the rest of his soda. "I am actually really happy to get the chance to spend some more time with her. I would like it if she relied on me more. Actually, I would like it if she relied on all of us more. But, as long as I can be her friend, I am more than content."

"I can see why Light was so willing to let you live with her," Snow replied, "And speaking of the soldier, do you know what time she is supposed to get back from work?"

Hope slipped his phone out of his pocket, his eyes widening as looked at the time. "Oh geeze, I gotta get back. She should be home in under an hour. I wanted to try to have dinner ready for her when she came home." Hope slid his arms into his zip-up hoodie before briskly approaching the exit.

Snow raised his empty glass as he watched his friend take his leave. "Good luck to ya, kid!"

Lightning pulled her car into her parking space, pausing before turning her engine off and taking her keys out of ignition. She took an exaggerated breath in an effort to steady her nerves.

Lightning had been the one to propose that Hope should stay with her. When she found out his intentions to study full-time at New Bodhum University, she had the idea that her two-bedroom apartment was certainly closer to the school than his parent's home, and would provide him a utilitarian option benefiting his schooling. It was logical thought, a reasonable one even, and not one laden with emotionally-driven intentions by any means.

But now he was here. He was inside her apartment, waiting for her to return home. She would have preferred it if she was able to be home earlier today to help him move in. However, her work was hardly permitting of such a luxury. While the new world was certainly less chaotic and safer than the old one, being a sergeant in the guardian corps was not without its share of bureaucracy and time-consuming paperwork, one of the few evils even the Savior could not eliminate.

Deep breaths, she thought to herself, there's no reason to be nervous.

Lightning tried her best to steel herself while also questioning her sudden inability to compartmentalize her feelings. She had always been the expert in sequestering thoughts and feelings she found irrelevant, but lately, that delineating margin for what was and wasn't 'relevant' had become clouded by an infiltration of thoughts regarding a certain young man who was to start living with the pink-haired Soldier as soon as she managed to get out of her car, walk up her building's stairs to the second floor balcony, and enter her apartment.

And so, after one more protracted deep breath, she stepped out of her car, walked up her building's stairs, approached her apartment door, and reached into her pocket for her keys. Before she had the chance to press her key into the lock, the door swung open.

"Hey! I thought I heard you pull up. Welcome home." Hope greeted his friend with a smile on his face as the afternoon's setting sun positioned behind the woman reflectively glistened against the boy's silver hair. He was dressed quite casually, wearing shorts and a baggy t-shirt with his bare tapping away at the floor.

Uncharacteristic of her, Lightning stood in the doorway and stared at him. She wasn't simply struggling to find the words needed to return his greeting. Her mind had become overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts she hadn't anticipated having when she woke up that morning. He looks well… He looks… good. Shit… Why do I feel so… so…

"Um… Hello?" Hope tried again as he began to question the efficacy of his initial greeting.

In no more time than simply flicking a switch, Lightning took a step inside and positioned herself beyond the door before closing it behind her. "Hi, Hope. How was your move? Do you need any help getting settled?"

Hope shook his head and he made his way towards the kitchen. "It was easy. I just had a couple duffle bags and a few boxes with me. I already put them in the empty bedroom. Are you hungry? Dinner is almost ready. Otherwise I can get the bath running if you'd rather do that."

"I haven't had a chance to eat since I left for work this morning," She replied as she peeled out of her jacket and hung it on the coat rack by the door, "I could definitely eat."

"Busy day?" Hope asked as he brought two plates of food and a couple of glasses over to the dining table.

Lightning took the seat facing the apartment door before unfastening the button securing her collar. "Actually, the boss has some kind of new thing he wanted to talk to me about tomorrow, so I tried to get a little bit ahead in my work to be ready for whatever."

Hope took the seat facing her and wiped his brow with his forearm. "I hope you aren't working too hard. I know that might be something of a trait that is difficult for you to turn off. You've had your nose to the grindstone for… well… a long time."

Lightning chuckled as she poured herself some water into her glass. "Many years I suppose. By the way, this isn't the Ark anymore. You don't have to tend to me like this."

"C'mon. I have to eat too, you know. Making enough for two and drawing up a bath is hardly too difficult. Of the two of us, I am more concerned about you."

Lightning attempted to reply as she surveyed her plate. The scent of the food was particularly pleasing, but her eyes had yet to catch up to her other senses. "Your purpose of coming here is to be able to better focus on school. I don't wanna take away from that with you thinking that you have to do all of these-"

"I am doing this cuz I want to," Hope interrupted, a smile on his face, "It's not that much for right now. I've said it before. I love you, Light. Something simple like this is well worth it."

Lightning's hand trembled. It was incredibly brief, nearly imperceptible to the eye (or so she hoped), but the sensation in her hand was enough to catch her off guard. This wasn't the first time she had heard these words, but lately, the thought of them had produced some anxiety. "Thanks, Hope. I love you too," she mustered.

"Like I said, don't worry about it," Hope replied in between bites, "I wouldn't be much of a best friend if I didn't at least share my food."

"Wait a second," Lightning's interjection was met with a quick visual assessment of the kitchen. Empty boxes of pre-cooked foods littered the kitchen counter. "Did you buy all this stuff? I don't ever recall buying any of this."

"Well, yeah," Hope replied after he swallowed another bite, "I hit up the grocery store after I moved my stuff in. I had a lot of time before you would get back from work, and I figured this is the least I could do."

Lightning pulled her wallet out of her pocket in a deliberated fashion, her fingers thumbing through the bills, "How much did this cost you?" She demanded.

Hope stuck his hands out over the table before shaking his palms back and forth. "Woah. Stop it right there. I don't want your money."

Lightning took another glance at the kitchen countertop before deciding on a twenty dollar note and placing it on the table. "I already told you that you are here to focus on school. Leave it to me and your parents to take care of this stuff."

Hope looked up at his friend, a rebuttal teasing the tip of his tongue before carefully withdrawing at the sight of the woman's facial expression. "Um… uh…"

"Put the money in your pocket." It had been a while since Lighting gave the boy such a direct command.

Hope took the money and stuffed it in his pocket before returning to his meal. Lightning dug her fork into her food before taking her first bite.

As soon as she began to chew, Hope saw an opportunity in Light's relatively short preoccupance. "You know I am just gonna use the money to make dinner for us again, right?"

Lightning hurriedly finished chewing, swallowed her food, and took a swig from her glass. "Fine, since it means that much to you. IF you have the time and you aren't busy with school or studying, and IF it doesn't distract you from getting the rest you need, you can make dinner. However, any food you buy, you will buy with MY money. Is that understood?"

Hope looked at his friend and smiled with an expression indicating a mixture of contentment and relief before jamming another spoonful of food in his face.

The frustrated woman sitting across from him did not currently share in his condition.

Hope had taken it upon himself to clean up the kitchen and do the dishes, much to the woman's chagrin. She ultimately decided to not fight him on it. While he was preoccupied with his tasks, Lightning decided to soak in the bath.

Soaking in the hot water had finally begun to ease the tension in her back and shoulders. She hadn't even remotely anticipated feeling as anxious as she did now. The thought of the two of them living together had initially come from a more rational part of her psyche, but now resided somewhere entirely different in her mind.

*knock knock*

The knock at the door pulled her attention back to reality. "Hey, Light, how are you feeling? You've been in there a while." The boy's words were muffled as they penetrated through the bathroom door.

Lightning checked her phone that she set on a towel by the head of the bath. She was surprised by the time that was displayed.

"It's almost seven-thirty," Hope tried again, "Are you feeling okay?"

Hope heard a thud coming from inside the bathroom. He frantically pushed through the door in search of his friend. Laying on the floor with her right leg dangling over the side of the bathtub was a pale-skinned woman with a towel draped across her midsection. Hope rushed to her side and threaded his arm beneath her shoulders.

"Light! Talk to me!"

Lightning clambered onto her feet before desperately covering herself with her towel. "I am nowhere near decent at the moment, Hope. You shouldn't have come in like that."

Hope maintained his position at her side, his arm now supporting her around her waist. "I think that hardly matters if you hurt yourself, Light. That was a loud bang. You wouldn't be the first person to slip and fall coming out of the bath. Besides, I have seen a lot more of you when I used to patch you up on the Ark."

Lightning reached for a second towel on the towel rack while relying on the original to cover her breasts and midsection. "That's right. You saw me and treated me when I was actually injured. You of all people should know that I am not so fragile as to seriously injure myself coming out of the bathroom. So, stop touching me and… and…"

Hope's grip tightened around her waist as the woman stammered with taking her first step. Nearly collapsing onto the ground came as less of a surprise to the boy than how light she felt as he supported the weight of her body against his. She was unusually vulnerable right now. She was weak… and she was almost right. He of all people knew how resilient she should be both mentally and physically. It was for this reason that his concern was growing only stronger.

Practically carrying the nearly naked woman the short distance from the bathroom door to her bed, Hope helped to settle her onto her sheets before pulling the top cover over her body.

"There. Now that you are covered, give me your towels," He demanded.

Lightning was too light-headed to fight him on it. She mustered what little strength she had to wrestle the towels away from her body before handing them to the boy. Hope tossed the towels into the laundry hamper by her bedroom door before redirecting his attention to Light.

"Are you sure you are okay?" He pleaded.

"Forget it," Lightning nearly barked. She pressed the back of her hand against her forehead and winced as she rolled onto her back.

Hope stepped out of the bedroom only to return moments later with a bottle of water and a travel-sized container of pills. "Here. Take two of these and drink this."

Lightning peeled her open her heavy eyelids and looked up at the distraught young man. "What's all this?" She asked.

"It's Tylenol for your headache," He replied as he extracted two circular tablets from the small bottle, "and this is water. Take two of these and drink at least half of the bottle."

"Hope, this is hardly necess-"

"Light, I am not going to tell you twice. Do as I tell you right now." Hope's voice had adopted a more stern tone as did his posture. "You are clearly not eating well nor sleeping well. Since tomorrow is Friday and we have the weekend together after you finish work, when you get home the two of us are going to talk about your usual routine and how much you have been eating and sleeping. If I need to do some things around here to help you get more sleep and get more food in you, then I need to make those changes sooner than later."

Lightning stared at the boy and pulled the covers around her chest to drape herself before sitting upright. Lightning hoped that he wouldn't notice her bare back. As she popped the pills in her mouth and began sipping the water, she traced the direction of his eyes only to realize her fear had been rationalized.

"Would you please stop staring at my backside," She asked after swallowing the tablets. She turned her face away from him slightly, pretending to nurse her drink with her lips in an effort to hide her embarrassment.

Hope continued to stare, his eye fixated on her figure as she continued to drink her water. "You look… thinner."

Lightning nearly choked on her water. "Would you please stop looking alre-"

Hope diverted his eyes back to hers. "Stop talking and do as I ask, please." He demanded.

Lightning hurriedly progressed through about half of the water bottle before handing it back to Hope. Once the bottle was out of her hands, she pulled the blanket that was crumpled at the foot of the bed up to her shoulders and leaned back into her pillow.

Hope re-capped the water bottle and placed it on her bedside table. "If you wake up at all tonight, finish the rest of the water before going back to sleep."

Lightning's eyelids had begun to weigh heavily on her again as the gentle caress of her bedding graced her tired and aching body. "Fine. Just… let me rest. You are being really... pushy right now," She replied, her voice fading with each subsequent word.

Hope picked up her pistol on her bedside table and placed it inside the table's drawer. "I put your pistol in your drawer. Now get some rest. Okay?"

Hope waited for her to reply, but none came. Her lack of response prompted him to look at her sleeping face. Initially, a wave of relief overtook him. She was in bed, finally. Far enough away from the nearest slippery bathroom floor to injure herself. However, the relief was short-lived, and in its place was his ever growing concern. She is so exhausted, he thought to himself, if she would just tell me these things sooner, then I could do more for her. I am supposed to be her friend. Why can't she just…

As Hope was pushing the drawer closed, he noticed a folded piece of paper tucked into the corner of the drawer. He picked up the piece of paper, then looked at his sleeping friend, then looked back at the paper.

Perhaps it was due to his overwhelming sense of concern for his underfed and overly fatigued friend. Or, perhaps it was due to something else. Something truly different. A feeling he had harbored once before though refused to ever share with her, nor try to investigate what that feeling may have been. Regardless, he did something that would induce instant regret.

Hope unfolded the paper, his pupils immediately dilating as his lungs failed to find their next breath when his conscious mind finally processed the image his optic nerves carried to his occipital lobe. Fear? Joy? Happiness? Anger? Love? Pain? One would have struggled to identify what he felt in that moment. However, beyond the convoluted processes that were an eighteen year-old's feelings in such a moment as this, one thing was certain in his mind.

Light likely did not ever intend for Hope to see what was on this paper.


	2. Chapter 2

The sizzling of the grill was the sole source of noise in the apartment. Hope kept his gaze on the eggs and bacon as he watched them brown amidst the boiling oil. The events of last night had stayed well in his mind. Hope wasn't sure if his friend's presentation was a unique, isolated experience, or if it was something more than just purely transient. He had hoped for the former, but levied the thought that cooking her a good breakfast may satiate the dark cloud he felt hanging over his mind.

As he flipped the contents of his grill with a spatula, the inevitable occurred. The door to Light's bedroom creaked open revealing a petite, weary looking woman standing in a ragged t-shirt and wrinkled shorts.

"Good morning, Light," the boy offered as he forced a smile, "I thought I'd make you something to eat before you head off to work."

Light made her way to the front door and gathered up the small pile of mail and the bundled-up newspaper below the mail slot. Light tucked the mail under her arm while she thumbed through the newspaper. She took several seconds between each page, the crinkling sound of the paper with each turn of the page only escalating Hope's anxiety.

After what had felt like an eternity to the boy, Light finally took a seat at the dining table and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Did you see it?" Light began.

Although Hope had a burning suspicion for what she was referring to, he paused regardless before futilely attempting to feign ignorance. "See what?" He asked as he placed a mug of black coffee on the table in front of the woman.

Lightning, in an exaggerated, 'sphinx-like' manner, grasped the mug with her fingers and brought it to her lips before practically seething the fluid into her mouth through her teeth. "My drawer, the one where I keep my side-arm, perhaps we could talk about that."

Hope swallowed the lump in his throat before scooping the eggs and bacon onto a clean plate with his spatula. "I am afraid I don't quite follow," He replied as he placed the plate of breakfast and a clean fork beside Light's mug.

Light looked down on her plate as she took the fork in her fingers and gingerly separated the eggs from the bacon. Lightning remained silent as the sound of the tip of her fork grazing against the ceramic of the plate carried itself to Hope's ears.

After what felt like another eternity to the boy, he again reminded his friend of his offering. "Your coffee and breakfast will get cold if you just stare at it, Light."

Lightning finally gathered a piece of her eggs onto her fork and lifted it to her lips. "Folded," she replied before taking her first bite.

Hope wrung his hands together as he took a seat across from her. "Sorry? I think most eggs will fold in on themselves when you cook them so-"

"Folded," She repeated as she swallowed her food, "most pieces of paper don't unfold themselves. They don't write on themselves either."

Hope finally realized his meager attempts at ignorance were going to get him nowhere if not only dig himself into a deeper hole. She was right, and the realization that he had forgotten to re-fold the paper before placing it back in the drawer only reinforced her reasoning even more.

"Light, I, um…." He began as he stumbled over his words, "I am sorry for… looking, but I was worried about you. I didn't know that-"

"Why are you worried about me?" Light demanded, "I told you that you should worry about what you need to do, about school, or whatever it is you need to work on. I told you your place here was not so you would worry about me. I specifically said that I would support you so you wouldn't have to-"

"Light, I am going to stop you right there." Hope's interjection was more cautious than it was stern. "You need to understand this, again, since it seems like you are having difficulty remembering: I am going to worry about you. I want to support you too. I made a promise too, you know."

"Does this concern for me warrant you violating my privacy?" Lightning's words pierced across the room, a deliberate sense of heaviness in her voice carried her words to the boy as she crossed her arms in front of her.

Hope got up from his chair and took a seat beside the pink-haired woman. "Light, I'm not trying to rationalize what I did. I was wrong. I can admit to that, but the way you have been acting lately, and what happened last night, how can I not be worried?"

Light crossed her legs to match her arms as she shifted her weight in her chair away from him. "Hope, I am not here to debate with you the merits of-"

"Besides," Hope interrupted, "there is absolutely no way that this doesn't involve me. You shouldn't have kept it from me."

Light snapped, standing up abruptly from her seat at the table before looking down at the boy. "You were never supposed to see that! And to make matters worse, you _signed_ it! Why would you do that?!" She seethed, her words barely escaping her mouth as her pterygoid and masseter muscles pulled her teeth together, "That was supposed to be only ever for me. Something that I-"

"How could this not ever involve me?!" Hope demanded before angrily pulling himself up from his own chair, "Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Do you think so little of me that you would keep something like that from-"

"Let it go!" She practically bellowed, "How in Etro's name do you manage to put any kind of blame on me? Do you have any idea what I have gone through this past year for you?"

Hope stared at her, stunned. "I don't understand, Light. I don't understand any of this. What happened this past year, and why would you only tell me now? I thought what we are, or were, was different from this."

"I have been working overtime," she replied," trying to save money for you. I wanted to give you a place for you to be able to come home to. A place where your needs would be met so you could focus on going to school. A place where you wouldn't have to worry about-"

Hope grasped her hands in his as he took a step towards her, now no more than a couple of feet from her. "Why would you do that? Isn't my job to worry about you? Why won't you just be honest with me? I'm not so naïve to have agreed to move in with you simply for school. I came here because I was worried about you. Because I missed you! And- and you keep things from me! Things that absolutely involve me!"

"This 'thing' was not supposed to involve you," she retorted as she produced the piece of paper from her pocket, "It was supposed to be something I took with me to my grave! Now I question if i need to get rid of it."

Light pulled her hands away from the boy as her feet inched towards her bedroom door.

"NO!" Hope panicked as he flung himself into her before crashing onto the ground, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

In a truly unexpected fashion, Light found herself barreling towards the floor, the full weight of the boy pressed against her. When the stunned sensation passed, she found herself pinned, his hands clasped around her wrists above her head.

The two of them stared at each other with a complete absence of words of any kind. Light felt the boy's grip around her wrists tighten as a numbness and tingling began to settle into the tips of her fingers followed by a growing, dull ache. The boy's face appeared desperate, as though he had experienced a true, merciless loss. It was a look she had last seen when the two of them had only just met, after he lost his mother during the purge. It was a look she had forgotten of until only now, and something she regretted she was only just remembering.

The sensation of a gentle, slow drip against the skin of her cheek broke her from her brief sense of dissociation. "Hope, you're hurting me. Could you please… just…"

"Light, please don't do anything like that. If you really care for me, please let me say my peace before you destroy that piece of paper," Hope pleaded through his tears as he lay on top of her.

Light began to writhe under his body as her fingers reflexively opened and closed repeatedly. "Hope, please get off of…" Her words trailed off as the image of his face began to seer into her mind. It wasn't simply desperation within his visage. She saw something more. Something both equally invaluable and terrifying. She began to understand the mistake she had made in her previous statement.

"What you have in your hand, I am just as much a part of it as you are," He pleaded again, "Please…"

"You're hurting me," Light repeated as her cognizance slowly reverted back to the reality of her apartment and the boy in front of her, her mind slowly letting go of the intense subjective paradigm of understanding his expressions.

Hope's mind followed suit as his eyes trailed up to Light's desperate fingers, now each a variable shade of purple. Hope's grip around her wrists loosened as he slowly withdrew his hands back to his chest. Hope's breathing slowed, become agonized and irregular.

Light gently pushed him back until he assumed a seated position in front of her. She took his shaking hands in her own before attempting to call out to the stunned young man. "Hope, are you… with me?"

"I hurt you," Hope trembled as tears began to trickle down his face, "I… I can't believe I did that… I am so… ah… fuck, Light. I…"

Light leaned forward and gently pressed her forehead against his. "I am sorry I scared you," She began. Although she wasn't entirely sure why he became so afraid by her words, she now understood that a part of him was incredibly invested in the contents of that piece of paper. Maybe, just maybe, even more so than she was.

"Hope, please, just look at me," the woman pleaded as the boy's chest began to heave. She kept his fingers clasped within her right hand as she began to thread the fingers of her left hand into his hair, "I promise you, we can talk about this."

"I am so sorry, Light." Hope wrapped his arms around her waist as he did his best to choke back his tears, "Please forgive me."

Light pulled herself away from his embrace and put her hands against his face, pulling his gaze towards her own. Light cursed herself under her breath as she spoke, "I have to go to work, Hope. We can talk about this when I get back. I need you to take a deep breath and wait for me. Can you do this, please?"

Hope clambered onto his feet before stepping towards the couch. Hope sat down and hunched forward, his head pointed downwards to the carpeted floor as his arms hung loosely at his side. Hope remained silent as Light stared at him, patiently.

"Hope, I need you to wait for me. I will be back later today. Can you do this for me, please?" Light attempted again. After several exaggerated moments, Light saw what she thought was the gentle bobbing of the boy's silver hair.

Light disappeared into her bedroom only to return a minute later in her traditional skirt and jacket with her side-arm holstered against her waist. Lightning dipped into the boy's bedroom across from hers and remerged into the living room with an object in her hand. She knelt down to face with Hope before placing the object in his hands.

"Keep your phone with you," She began as she folded the boy's fingers around his mobile, "I will call you as soon as I am on my way home. I won't be gone for a whole shift. I just have a meeting with the lieutenant and then I will call you. Wait for me. Can you do this, please?"

*Bzz Bzz* *Bzz Bzz*

Before the woman could anticipate a response from Hope, Lightning produced her own phone from her pocket before checking the notifications screen.

_From: Lt. Gadot_

_Are you on your way? You missed roll call. I know you aren't assigned anything for the day, but I still need to see you. I hope you haven't forgotten. Get back to me if something has come up. I have to go visit another district's precinct this afternoon so the sooner you get here the better._

Light stood and stepped towards the front door before snatching her keys from the hanger. "Hope, wait for me. I can't stress that enough. I promise we'll talk when we get back."

Hope continued to stare at the floor as the sound of the front door latching shut broke the silence around him.

* * *

Light pulled into the precinct's parking lot with a heavy sigh. She paused in an attempt to steady herself before running her fingers through her hair as she looked into the rearview mirror in an effort to assess herself. She breathed a sigh of relief as she observed her appearance to be far more appropriate than the feelings she was trying to suppress would suggest.

She kept her head down as she made her way through the precinct building. She looked at no one, spoke to no one, and the people around her reciprocated in kind. The hustle and bustle of various officers and support staff moving about, answering phones, it was both a welcoming environment in its familiar routine as well as nerve-racking. Never in her life had Lightning ever had something in her personal life shake her so much so that she felt the need to hide herself from her co-workers. After what felt like an eternity of weaving through the crowd towards the elevator, the woman managed to smash her palm into the elevator's call button before stepping inside the lift and pressing the button for the third floor. It was a short ride, but just long enough for her to take another steadying breath before exiting the lift and making her way to the end of the hall to her boss's office.

Gadot spotted her through his window as she approached his door. Lightning could see him speaking something into his phone before placing the handset down and waving her inside. Lightning obliged him before guiding his office door to a close slowly to avoid any disturbing noise.

"Sergeant Farron reporting as requested," She began, "I apologize for being late, lieutenant. I want you to know that I-"

Gadot brushed off her words with his hand before motioning her towards the chair facing his desk. "Cut it with that crap already. It's too early in the day for that."

Lightning again obliged him and took the seat she was offered. "What is it that you needed from me?"

"Right… Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time before we had this conversation," He began as he sunk back into his chair, "I am not sure how to say this, but I am gonna try to just come out with the facts."

Light scooted forward in her chair as she folded her hands in her lap. "What's going on?" She asked nervously.

Gadot released a protracted breath before taking the mug on his desk in his hands. "The truth is, there are going to be a couple changes around here. Firstly, the higher-ups are pushing for a captain to head this precinct. Apparently, while we seem to be doing a well-enough job here, the brass want to see a greater degree of stability in our precinct's leadership. Part of that stability, well… involves you."

Light's shoulders tensed as she pushed the words on the tip of her tongue through her lips, "I am afraid I do not understand, sir. Are you asking me to do what I think you are asking?"

Gadot took a sip from his mug before leaning forward in his chair. "I am afraid so. I know you of all people likely wouldn't be a fan, but um… Light, what are you doing?"

Lightning finished stripping herself of her side-arm and badge and held them in her hands over his desk. "Sir, I thought that you are… are… aren't you relieving me of my duties?"

"I am afraid this is a bit more serious than that," He replied, "And I have a feeling you may like this news even less than being fired. Please take your badge and your weapon back."

Lightning stared at him, a puzzled expression settling into her face as she reholstered her weapon. "Sir?"

"I recommended you to take the lieutenant's exam," Gadot began, "Part of this 'stability-of-leadership' push is to have a captain head the precinct while a lieutenant plays second-in-command. Your duties would expand and you would be next in line to run the show in case something happened to me. I couldn't think of anyone better to suggest for the role. It would involve you to step back from investigative duties and assume a more, well… bureaucratic role if you will. I know that's hardly what you wanted to do, but it comes with better pay, more stable hours, that kind of thing. Usually, this kind of stuff really rings in the ears of the guys who are married, have families and such, but to the best of my knowledge I don't recall anything to that affect in your own-"

"Actually, sir," Light interjected, "I um… I… I don't know how to say this, but…"

"But what?"

Lightning couldn't process this development. Even more so was the difficulty she experienced in responding to her mentor. "Could you… um… about the more stable hours and the pay… Could you elaborate?"

Gadot took another sip from his mug before nodding his head. "Sure sure. So you'd be doing something similar to my current role, except we would split up much of the work. You would be a more involved mediator than you already are between myself and the rest of the patrolmen and detectives. Your duties would also involve less overtime and thusly less work hours while your salary would increase. I also put in a request to provide retro pay for your new salary since the start of this year to both partly influence your decision a bit but also to compensate you for much of the work you are already doing anyway. I know that probably wasn't the most scrupulous thing to do, but our friendship aside, you are working exceptionally harder than the other sergeants and you are damn good at this job. I could really use you as my number one. I can give you to the end of next week to think about it if you need-"

"I'll do it." Lightning stood sooner than the words could leave her mouth. "I'll do it. Absolutely."

Gadot looked up at her, stunned. "Really?... I mean, you can take the time to think about it if you need to."

Lightning remained firm with her answer. "Just tell me what you need me to do. I accept."

Gadot glanced around his desk as he searched for both something tangible and his own response. "Uh… Uh…. Okay. Um, so I need you to, um… Ah, here we go." Gadot produced a form in his hand and handed it to his subordinate. "This is a letter to GC headquarters downtown. It delineates my full support for you as an officer candidate. Just take this to the… I think its the fifth floor. There's a testing center where you can schedule your lieutenant's exam. I have full confidence in your ability to pass the test, even without any formal preparation. You don't have to do it today, but early next week would be good."

Lightning took the form from his hand. "I can go there first thing on Monday. I think I need to go down there anyway for something so this works out."

"Oh?" Gadot asked, "Everything okay?"

Lightning nodded. "Yeah. Just some… developments at home. I am not sure how it might play out. I don't think I will really have to, but I wanted to look into adding someone onto my insurance benefits just in case."

"Are you... expecting?" Gadot probed, "or adopting?"

Lightning reserved herself against the nearly overwhelming urge to relieve herself of an emotional response. "Absolutely not, sir."

"I apologize. I don't mean to be disrespectful to you in any way. I got ahead of myself…. So… are you getting married or something? I thought I would at least hear something from you before-"

"If it's alright with you, sir, may I be dismissed? There is something I need to get done before today is over." Lightning did her best to interrupt respectfully as she steeled her expression.

"Uuhhh….. yeah. Sure," Gado replied, "Just let me know what day you'll take the exam and I can move your schedule around for that day."

Lightning straightened her posture and brought her arms to her side. "Yes, sir. Permission to leave, sir."

Gadot took a deep breath as he looked his friend up and down, searching for an answer to a question even he hadn't yet thought of. Resigning to the fact that his bewilderment would simply need to remain with him for the rest of the day, he nodded. "Um, sure…"

* * *

"C'mon, pick up your phone," Lightning muttered as she dialed the boy's number a third time. She leaned against her car as she crossed her arms underneath over her chest as her outstretched hand held her phone against her ear, "Pick up your phone, please!"

Lightning closed her eyes as she let the humming of the 'ring-ring-ring' penetrate her ear. Again, she was met with the same prompt:

 _You have reached the voicemail of (_ pause _) Hope (_ pause _) Estheim (_ pause _). Please leave a voicemail and the end of the tone or press 2 for more options. *BEEP*_

"Hope, it's me again. I tried to call you a few times now. I am leaving the precinct and I… um… I wanted to let you know I can be there soon. I know that… it's important to you that we can talk about that… paper. I still have it with me. I promise to hear you out. Just… please just send me a text or something to let me know you're okay. I will see you soon." Light pressed the red 'end-call' prompt on her screen and opened her driver's side door before clambering into her vehicle. Before she even had the chance to put her key in the ignition, her phone rang.

Light's heart nearly jumped out of her chest as she scrambled to look at her phone's screen.

_Incoming call from: Hope Estheim_

Lightning tapped the green icon as swiftly as she could before putting her phone up to her ear.

"Hello? Hello?" Light frantically spoke into the mouthpiece, "Hope? Are you there?"

"Hey sis," came a voice from the other end of the line, "Where are you right now?"

Lightning paused as she tried to process the voice she was hearing, "Hope?... Wait, is that you, Serah?"

"Where are you?" Serah asked again, "Can you come to NORA house by the beach? I am not sure what is going on, but Hope just kind of showed up about thirty minutes ago with a backpack on him and asked us if he could stay here for a couple of days. Did something happen to him? I am worried about him. Should I be? Should I be worried about both of you?"

Lightning tried to hide the desperation in her voice as she pleaded her sister. "I am on my way. Just please tell Hope that I am on my way. I will be there as soon as I can."

"Um...actually," Serah began, "Hope left your place to come here for a reason, I assume. I may not know what that reason is, but until I learn more about what is going on, I want to keep you two separated for the time being. Hope can hang out with Yuj and Snow while you and I talk."

Lightning made no attempt to hide her desperation this time. "I need to see him! I have to see him, Serah. He's my- my… my… um…"

"Your what now?" Serah asked, "I don't think I understood that last bit."

Lightning held her breath, terrified of how to answer her sister.

Serah's voice deepened as she started to adopt her 'I'm-a-teacher' tone. "Hello? Are you still there?"

"Yeah… I'm um, I'm still here," Light replied.

"Just get here ASAP so you and I can talk. I am worried, Light. I have never seen him like this before. Oh, and to my understanding you have something with you that's related to what's going on. Bring it with you, and I don't want to hear anything related to you giving me push-back on this. You WILL bring it with you, and you WILL show it to me."

Lightning swallowed the lump in her throat. "Please, just… I'll bring it with me. Just, when I show it to you, be kind, okay?"

Serah's voice softened. She had never heard her sister speak with such a desperate tone. "Claire, are _you_ okay? I don't think I have heard you sound like this for a long time."

Light put her key in the ignition and turned it over followed by the humming of her motor. "I am on my way. I know I may not get to see him, but just let me say my peace to you and please… just tell him I am sorry."

* * *

Serah stood across from her sister, her arms crossed in front of her. While Yuj, Snow, and Hope were out walking along the beach to clear Hope's head, Serah had taken her sister into Serah and Snow's bedroom. It was flattering room, with enough space for both their king-sized bed and a couch against the wall facing the rest of the room. In front of the couch was a small coffee table, the very table on which the infamous piece of paper rested while Lightning hovered over it from her seat on the couch as her sister, opposite of her on the other side of the table, hovered over the Soldier.

"Let's put Hope aside for a second. I don't want to hear about what happened this morning between the two of you until you explain to me what this is," Serah began as she tapped the surface of the table with her index finger, "Why don't you start from the beginning? When did you get this?"

Claire's shoulders sank as she tried to gather her words. "Do you remember his sixteenth birthday?"

Serah uncrossed her arms before taking a seat beside her sister. "Are you… telling me that since his sixteenth birthday, you and Hope have been-"

"No, no. Of course not." Claire interrupted as she shook her head.

Serah took her sister's hand in her own. "Please, just give it to me straight. Why do you have this?"

Light fought back her tears as the words came pouring out of her lips. It was the first time she had ever attempted to be honest about her feelings, about this paper, and about him. "Serah, I never intended for this to be anything more than just something I kept tucked away… I never wanted to burden him, or you, or anyone with this or my feelings. Do you remember his sixteenth birthday?"

Serah nodded as an inquisitive expression came across her face.

Lightning wiped her eyes with the back of her forearm before continuing. "Well, you and Snow bought him a smartphone as a gift. After we all got done celebrating, he used his phone to call me. While the rest of you were cleaning up inside NORA house, I met him by the beach. It was dark out, but the shine of the moon reflecting against the water was enough for me to see what was in his outstretched hand as I approached him."

Light reached into the leg pouch against her right thigh and produced a survival knife. "He gave this to me."

Serah took the knife in her hands and extended the blade to reveal the all familiar engraving _OP148_.

"He said he wanted to give it back to me," Light continued, "as it seemed fitting to give the birthday gift back to its intended recipient. He said… he said that… it had more than fulfilled its purpose, and that he didn't need the knife to protect him anymore."

Serah drew in a breath as the part of a realization began to approach her mind. "So… in this moment, did you feel like you were losing something?"

"I felt like I was losing him," Claire replied, "It was never supposed to come back to me. It's so hard to describe, but I felt like at that moment he and I were living a different life from each other."

"I am sure he didn't mean it like that. He probably just wanted to reciprocate the kindness you showed him. I understand that the knife may have been sentimental to you in this regard, but I still don't understand why you have _that_ ," Serah consoled as she pointed to the paper on the table.

"I didn't know what it was that I felt at that moment. All I knew was that I felt something, and not for the knife. I felt something, for… him. The next day I went downtown and got that paper. I filled it out as best I could but I never signed it. I thought maybe if I did that and tucked it away, that I could forget about it, and him. I could let him live his new life. I felt like it might provide this like… cathartic end to my feelings. It also didn't help that I felt guilty. That I might feel something like that for him… when he was just… sixteen. I felt so fucking… lost, Serah. I felt so lost, and I wanted to feel something else. He gave me the knife back and turned into someone else, someone other than that kid back on the arc, back on that train. I didn't want to do anything to disturb the potential of who he could become." Light continued to force back her tears, but with each passing moment her strength progressively faltered, "Oh, Etro's sake, Serah. If he knew at the time… if his parents even knew… I can't imagine what they would think."

Serah snorted as she tried to hold back her laughter, "Light, I um… You do know that at sixteen… it's not unheard of. I mean, Snow and I started talking about it long before I turned eighteen."

"Please don't do that," Light pleaded, "I am trying to take this seriously. This isn't funny."

Serah put her face in her hands as she released a protracted sigh. "Light, I am going to be honest with you, I am pretty sure if you approached Hope about this, hell if you had approached his _parents_ about this, they probably would have even give the two of you their permission to-"

"I was twenty-three, and he was sixteen! Now, I am almost twenty-seven and he is just barely eighteen. How am I supposed to face him with these feelings?" Claire pleaded.

"Hm…." Serah put her chin in her hand as she endeavored to push the narrative forward, "So let me see if I understand this. You started to feel "something" for him when he gave you back the knife. You also felt like you were losing him, so you went and got this form and in some strange attempt at what you describe as a 'cathartic' ending, you hide this from him and from all of us. Then, fast forward to today, you and the boy get into a fight because he found this, and… this is where I lose track of what happened. Hope said you wanted to get rid of it. Why would you do that?"

"I'm not like you, Serah," Light began, "I suck at relationships. I understand very little about friendship. I can't cook. I am barely present. I mean… you remember Dajh's last birthday? I wasn't even invited. Sazh had to practically remind him who I even was. My presence in Hope's life would only weigh him down. There are friendships, maybe even romances lost in his life because of his attention to me. I just wanted to let Hope be happy in his young years in the way that I couldn't. That's why I tried to save money for his school and buy him things and… and…"

Serah's brow furled as even more questions cropped up in her mind, "If you really felt that way about yourself, that you are so concerned you would limit his happiness, why did you offer to let him stay with you? And, don't give me any crap about him saving money or being closer to the university. NORA house is just as close to his school as your apartment, but he chose to stay with you and not with Snow and I."

"You and Snow offered to let him stay here while he goes to school?" Light asked.

Serah scratched her head, questioning whether she had over-spoken. "Did he, um… not tell you? Snow and I offered to let him live with us, but he… declined, so he could live with you."

"Oh…" Lightning muttered as her gaze turned back towards the piece of paper on the table, "I don't understand, why would he do that?"

"Because," Serah began as she picked up the paper and brought it closer to her sister, "this, right here… is something he would have been more than willing to reciprocate. It's also why he signed it, and became so flustered when you said you'd get rid of it. I am not going to lie, Claire. It's weird that you haven't really picked up on this. Even his parents would have probably encouraged it. The way he is with you… I mean…"

Light shook her head. "I don't understand. What about me?"

Serah took her sister's hands in her own one more time and tugged her sister towards her to prompt much needed eye contact. "Claire, I don't know if this is really my place to say, but since we have come this far, you need to understand something. That boy, he loves you."

Light nodded. "I know. I know. But what does-"

"No, Light. Listen to me," Serah interrupted, "Hope, he is obsessed with you. There is no one else in this world he wants to be with. He… _loves_ you."

Lightning stared into her sister's eyes as the tears she fought so desperately to suppress trickled down her cheeks. "Serah, I hurt him. I know I did. I thought I was doing the right thing, but the way I left him in our apartment this morning…"

"It's okay, Light. Actually, I think he is more broken up by it than you are," Serah replied, "He said he panicked and pushed you down. He somehow has it in his head that you must hate him now for it, and that he wanted to move out of your place to put you at ease."

It was Lightning's turn to panic, "Wait! Please let me talk to him!"

Serah put the paper back on the table. "You need to do two things for me before you can see him. First, tell me why you asked him to stay with you."

"Because I need him, Serah. I can't bear it like this. I can't bear it when he isn't with me." Light replied as she clenched her fists.

Serah pointed to the table, tapping the corner of the paper with her finger. "Fine. Given that Hope already signed this, it's obvious Hope made his decision. Now you need to make yours. What will you do?"

Light looked down at the paper. Just as she had so many times before in these past couple of years, her eyes started at the top and soaked in every line, every word, every letter:

* * *

_Application for Confidential License of Marriage, City of New Bodhum, Cocoon District 21_

_(Please note, this application is subject to approval by the New Bodhum City Clerk and Recorder's Office. Only upon approval of this application may the license become active. An active marriage license has 30 (thirty) days to be solemnized. Eligible individuals who may solemnize a marriage license are listed on the other side of this form. Be advised, county clerks and judges may solemnize a marriage license through the clerk's office by appointment only. Appointments are limited. This office can not guarantee an appointment within the 30 (thirty) day requirement.)_

_Instructions: Please fill out every portion of this application. If any box is left blank, your application may be returned to you. If any box is not applicable to either applicant, please mark as 'not applicable'._

_PERSON 1:_

_First Name: Claire_

_Current Last Name: Farron_

_Current Address: 597 N Etro PKWY #203, New Bodhum, Cocoon District 21_

_Parents (or primary caregiver during childhood): (OLD WORLD) Cocoon Juvenile Ward._

_PERSON 2:_

_First Name: Hope_

_Current Last Name: Estheim_

_Current Address: 597 N Etro PKWY #203, New Bodhum, Cocoon District 21_

_Parents (or primary caregiver during childhood): Bartholomew Estheim (F), Nora Estheim (M)_

_(Please read the following carefully and sign below only if you agree with the following statements.)_

_We (as described above) declare that we are unmarried and possess no objection to the proposed marriage or the issuance of a marriage license. We declare the above information to be true to the best of our knowledge and belief. By signing below, we agree to the previous statements and fully accept consideration by the New Bodhum Clerk and Recorder's Office for a confidential marriage license to be issued._

_Signature of Person 1:_

_Signature of Person 2:_

_Hope Estheim_

_(DO NOT WRITE IN THE SECTIONS BELOW. FOR USE BY THE NEW BODHUM CLERK AND RECORDER'S OFFICE ONLY)_

_Date received by office: _/_/__

_Marriage license approved? (Y/N):_

_Deadline for solemnizing the marriage: _/_/__

* * *

"I know what I need to do," Light said as her eyes trailed away from the boy's signature, "But I want to reconcile with him. I want to make sure he is absolutely okay with my decision."

Serah put her hand on her sister's shoulder. Then let's take this form downstairs and go find the boys.


End file.
